If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
I'm trying AGAIN.
I've gained more weight. I'm now the heaviest I've ever been: 220 pounds!
In early 2011, I lost 20 pounds with the South Beach Diet and made it down to 180.
MEDICAL:
That summer of 2011, I was diagnosed with high blood pressure. (That surprised me because I never had it before and I'd just LOST weight. I figured it was due to stress, but it was so high my doctor would NOT debate and put me on blood pressure meds ASAP. A year later, after leaving a stressful job, I asked my doctor to lower my dosage. He did and we monitored things for awhile and all was well. Unfortunately now that I've gained weight, we may need to monitor again.) Both my parents have high blood pressure also and my maternal grandfather had an irregular heartbeat, so that is my area of focus.
MOTIVATION:
Not only do I want to get healthy so I don't have a stroke or heart attack, but I want to feel better about myself. I've lived long enough to know a great many people will have their weight fluctuate. I've been "big" long enough to know that my friends will love me anyway. I have also lived long enough to know that I, personally, respect people that take care of themselves and that reach for high standards in every possible area. THIS is one of the few areas in my life in which I have never held a high standard. Perhaps it was because I was an early bloomer and wore a woman's size 7 by the time I was 12 years old. Maybe it was because we were poor and Swiss Cake Rolls and Doritos were cheaper snacks for Mom to buy than fruit. Those were background factors, BUT I have been a grown woman long enough to have developed new and better habits.
Whatever bad habits I have allowed myself to develop, I am the only person that has the power to change things!!!!! My 20th high school class reunion will be coming up and I am going on a short cruise, so these two factors add to the medical and personal pride factors...Then if I consider that my body is a temple of the Lord and that I want to be a good example to my nieces, nephews, and students..... Well, I just need to remember those reasons to stay motivated during this journey.
BACKGROUND:
The older I get, the more I get to know myself. If I've learned one thing for sure, it's that I have a NEED to UNDERSTAND things. Where there is no understanding, if I don't have to deal with it long (car engines, computer glitches), I can hold my breath and hang in until someone rescues me. If it's something I'm going to be in charge of, however, I need to understand the details - the ins and outs - in order to feel competent, informed, and able to make good decisions. I have done Slim Fast, the Atkins Diet, and the South Beach Diet. All have worked. The change has been when my motivation waned.
I HATE TO EXERCISE. I take that back. I love to walk with friends, to do work projects, to work in the yard or on a farm, and I love hiking. I do not mind getting sweaty or dirty. The problem comes when I try to push myself, to really work out and to be motivated and proud of myself for exerting myself. Even when I was in junior high, I'd get dizzy and feel sick or nearly pass out. I had tests as a teen and everything seems fine, but it's happened so often when I push myself hard, and I hate feeling sick or weak, so I will not over-exert myself. I will exercise, but do it at a pace where I will not feel ill. I just need to find friends to do mild exercise with.
With all that said, and with a new year about to start, I have already committed to the following for my own benefit:
1. a Facebook Weight Loss Challenge beginning Jan. 5
2. a scripture memory team to learn 2 verses per month for the entire year
3. to make a budget (my spending and eating spiraled out of control together)
4. to educate myself about healthy living and to post my new knowledge either here, FB, or Pinterest
Baby steps. I am not ready to make more specific goals yet. I don't want to set myself up for failure.
I DO want to take care of my body better than I have in the past.
I DO want my life to be a GOOD example rather than a selfish life of personal pleasure.
I want to be proud of myself, deep down, from that inner place that no one can touch, that place we often hide or guard because it's so sacred.
I will never be perfect, but I should never quit trying to be better, in some small way, than I was the day before.
Let me use my stubbornness as determination to improve myself.
Here I go....to TRY,
TRY AGAIN!
